Why fruit flies will probably keep me from getting to heaven.

I will be 49 years old in a few days and I am at a stage in my life called perimenopause. If you dont know what that means it boils down to my hormones are all over the place ad I am fine one minute. mad as a wet hen the next and can cry for no apparent reason. Its great and fun and its like Mr Ladybug is married to three different women sometimes in a matter of 30 seconds. I should probably have a warning label on me.

 One of my favorite authors and comedians is Anita Renfroe. Several years ago she wrote a book called If You Cant Lose It Decorate It. There is a picture of a shiny belt buckle on the cover. I can not control my craziness these days, well I guess I could try to use medication but where would the fun in that be? I thought I would share some things that make me laugh and insane all at the same time for those if you who may be in the same boat as me or for those who wont think you are going crazy when it starts happening to you. Since I can not get rid of these feelings I might as well get a laugh and I hope you do too.

Fruit Flies! Those things drive be bonkers. I like to control things as naturally as possible and saw a few recipes online that swore they were best things to get rid of these pesky things. One was pretty simple. You take a bowl fill it with apple cider vinegar and then add a little dish soap and stir with a fork to have bubbles from on the top. The flies land in the bubbles. get stuck and drown. They said that with in 30 minutes they had several in their bowl. This is my bowl after 5 hours. I am not amused.

So the second one held a little more promise, You made your own sticky fly paper. Boil equal parts honey and sugar, add a little water and heat until sugar dissolves. You soak paper, I used index card, let then drain onto a plate and once done dripping hang. As you can see it worked like a charm, or thats what they like you to think.

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When I approached the paper they all flew away but this one.

Are you serious? Maybe in Kentucky we breed the thoroughbred of fruit flies and they will stick to nothing. I stepped away from the strip and with in 15 minutes they were all back and this is where it gets crazy. I actually started talking to them. I was like are you serious? Y'all need Jesus and the flies replied ummm your the ones using the terrible language at us. I repled that they were right and then I grabbed the foaming bleach and sprayed them and screamed die you stupid flying__________, insert whatever word you like.

You know what really works? Leave a ketchup bottle out and open. Those little monsters crawl right in and cant get out and you have to throw away the whole bottle. I GIVE UP!