Dad

Its been a rough week for my family. A week ago my father past away. We had thought he was getting better and then suddenly hes gone. I have started this post so many times this past week but I just wasnt ready. I am not even sure if I am ready now.

Just a few weeks ago I was blogging about how sometimes its time to say The End and start not a new chapter in your life but a new book. I was excited about starting my new book and then suddenly it starts out with a tragedy. Its easy to just not move forward and its understandable when something life shattering happens that you put things on hold. Just take the time that you need and every person is different so dont think there is a set time and you or your family need to be back in full swing in a week, month or even a year. Give yourself a break and allow yourself to grieve. Let others help you and dont be afraid to ask for their help if you need it.

I would sometimes send my dad a text showing him something new I was doing or he would see it on Facebook and comment. My favorite replies from him were when we would tell me it was something that my great grandma would do.

 Around this time of year is when you start looking for those wooly worms so you know if you are going to have mild winter or a wild winter. I would always send my wooly worm pics to dad because I forgot what the bands on them meant. I guess this year I will just have to be surprised with winter.

This week has been filled with lots of sadness over loss but also filled with so many wonderful memories. I realize how lucky I am to have them and I mourn for those who did not have a crazy dad who loved life and filled their life with good times and lots of laughter. I am a lucky girl.

If you see me and ask how I am doing I will probably burst into tears but do not worry. My dad raised me to think for myself and to be who I want to be with no apologies. So in the words of father I will be fine. Fine as a frog hair split three times. 

All Planned Out

Are you a planner? I use to think that I wasnt that into planning but I think I was in denial. I feel kind of guilty about it because I have more than once told Mr Ladybug that he plans the fun right out of our vacation. He tries to schedule every single thing down to the last minute. In his defense hes trying to pack as much fun as possible in the time we have to be away.

The realization came to me this morning as I was menu planning for the weekend. I got finished and was making the grocery list. I had to take the doggies out and this may be too much info but I have to watch them because the German Shepherd will try pee on the two smaller dogs while they pee. I live such a glamorous life. When I came back in I missed a call from Mr Ladybug saying he had planned on harvesting honey this weekend and that one of our friends were coming over if they are available. Then he changes my menu plan. Thats when I realized I had a problem. I kept thinking how I had to change the menu and do this and that and it really wasnt a big deal. I actually love having people over to learn how to do things that we do on the urban farm. Friends are fun! It took me three seconds to make the menu changes. Seriously I am getting set in my ways in my old age. I will definitely be diffusing some calming oils today.

Schedules are important and needed. Schedules should not take over and rule your life especially on your off days. Schedules should not keep you from spending time with friends or family. Schedules should not turn you into Momzilla ,Wifezilla, Friendzilla, Hubbyzilla...... I know I got carried away there but I was just thinking how funny those scifi movies would be.

Balder obviously read my blog yesterday about going on adventures. As my son was taking his sister to work yesterday Balder the Beagle knocked down the gate that keeps him out of the living room, ran and jumped straight through the screen on the front door and ran down the street. He only went a few houses up but he was running back and forth in the street and not listening. He was in big trouble yesterday. He was actually going to try it again this morning but we were wise to his sneaky ways. Its a good thing hes so cute and I cant stay too mad at him. Hes also a great cuddler and keeps my feet warm.

Adventures

Sticking with my book theme, no book is good without some sort of adventure. I think that sometimes we put too much pressure on what an adventure is. I have friends who travel the world and post the most interesting places of things that I probably will never see. If I were to compare my adventures to theirs mine would come up a little lacking. I like to think every time I walk out my door there is a chance of adventure.

Websters defines adventure as an exciting or remarkable experience. It also defines it as an undertaking usually  involving danger or risk. I am a simple girl and I would prefer danger and risk not be involved with my adventures. I will leave that one for you thrill seekers and will just continue to enjoy your adventures through your facebook posts!

I use to think that adventures had to be this grand thing. My life was pretty boring then. Having three small children, not alot of money, time or energy there wasnt much adventure in my life. Actually there was I was just missing it wishing for another life. Not that I didnt want to be a mom or wife I just needed a break and a nap. When I changed my attitude and realized an adventure could be going on a nature walk and counting all the ground hogs or going to yard sales and looking for vintage things that I loved for my home my life got a lot more exciting.  Sometimes for our lives to change we need to change our circumstances but most of the time we just need to change our attitudes.

I was texting a friend last night and mentioned a Fall Bucket List and told her of a few examples. She mentioned that maybe she would create a bucket list as well. Maybe she and I could mark a few things off our lists together. I found this list on Pinterest. I do not plan to all the things on this list but its a good place get a few good ideas.

I have seen a few good ideas on what your bucket list should look like. It can be an actual list or you can write your ideas down on popsicle sticks and pull one out of your bucket to do. If you have younger children than mine, who are 26, 21 and 19, they would probably enjoy closing their eyes and pulling out a stick.

Mr Ladybug and I have been homebodies the last several weeks. Its been just too hot and miserable outside. We are ready to go on a few adventures. I will try to post my idea of a fall bucket list in the next few days. I would love to see yours if you chose to make one as well. You could even make a little bucketlist passport with your little ones and mark the things off the list with stickers and when they get their book filled get a special treat or prize. Dang it, now I need to borrow someones little ones. I wonder if I can convince Mr Ladybug to make a little passport.

Dont lose hope or yourself or your sanity

Its day two of writing your new book of your life and bam you have writers block. Or maybe your are writing away and everything is perfect. If thats the case I am happy for you but thats now usually how my life works. Yesterday morning around 6:15 I saw a car in the middle of the road. It was 5 feet from the gas station. As I drove past it again about 5 minutes later the driver was at a pump filling up a small gas can. I remember thinking who carries a gas can around in their car. This morning at the same time the same car was backing out of the driveway right next door to the gas station. They lived right next door to the gas station and ran our of gas! Thats me in life I am running on fumes and the answer is right there in front of my house!

But lets not lose hope so quickly. Remember a few months ago I tried to get some sage to root in a glass so I would have a back up plant if something happened. The plant did not root and then my sage plant flowered and then poof it died instantly. It was very odd. So I was visiting the community garden and there was an over grown bed and I saw this plant with round leaves. I touched a leaf and it smelled it and it was sage. So as I was pulling the weeds away from this poor forgotten plant a piece broke off. I brought it home to use and stuck it in water so it would live long enough for me to decide what to put it in. A few days later I saw the tiniest little root. I thought it was my imagination. I hoped it was a root and two weeks later not only do I have roots I have sprouting.

I am going to  plant this in a small pot and leave it in the house over winter. Hopefully next spring I will have a beautiful thriving sage plant again one that will hopefully root again if I cut some off.

I have told so many people to not get disheartened when you are gardening and your plants dont go like the seed packet promises. I have killed so many Christmas cactus in my 30 years of buying them. Wanna know why I failed? I did not know that they made cactus soil until recently. I have had the Christmas cactus my daughter bought me for 10 months now. Look at me succeeding in life.

When you are struggling or if you are wanting to try anything new and dont know where to get started ask someone. Ask several someones. Nothing gets you moving in the right direction as someone who has been there and done it.

I read that cow peas are perfect for growing in the hot summer but what the seed packet and they blog I read didnt tell me was that you should still plant in the early spring because they are slow growing.  My plants look great but do not have a single bloom. I thought I would have already had a harvest and would be preparing the bed with snap peas for the fall. Life and learn my friends live and learn.

Whatever you are trying to do right now dont lose hope. You will get it or realize its not for you to get. Even if it doesnt happen the experience will prepare you for something that is meant for you. I had plans today but the rain changed that. Even though my day isnt going as planned I am going to find those beautiful things that are waiting for me to day and know that the rain that is ruining my plans is actually growing my garden.

A new beginning

Once upon a time there was a ladybug who loved her backyard and this is her story.......

A fresh start, a clean slate oh the possibilities. Why are we so afraid of something new? Why are we afraid to fail. Is it really failing if you try something new? I dont think so. Its only failing if you dont try at all.

I would guess that our fail to success rate in gardening is 50/50. Analysts would probably think those odds are not very good. But with every failure we learn something new. Our garlic yield this year was about the same as last year with over 100 bulbs. Unfortunately the bulbs were a lot smaller than the ones the previous year. So we will go back to planting the Siberian garlic again.

Our community garden spot isnt yielding what it should. Thats probably because someone is taking all of our tomatoes and peppers. How do we know its not critters? There is an overgrown garden plot beside ours that someone has worn a path through to get to our spot. There is no way this path is caused by any critter other than a human. Luckily they are not a fan of squash so we are least getting that.

Green beans grow better in straight rows than in circular ones. I planted tree spots of green beans, The ones using a tomato cage makes them all bunch together and the japanese beetles love living in them and eating the plant all up. The one grown in a straight line is beetle free. I actually find this very interesting and may have to look into this further.

If you are trying to grow organic chemical free you have to cover your cabbage plants or at least you do in my backyard. Those cute little yellow moths are eating well in my garden.

For every success story I have a failure story that got me there.

Dont be afraid to start something new, Be afraid of not learning from your mistakes.

A new book

I am always reading something. Right now I am reading a cookbook, a travel book of our state, an essential oil book and for fun a murder mystery. A few weeks ago I picked up the first in a series by Stephanie Blackmoore. I read it in 2 days. I could have read it faster but I had dogs, chickens, a cat and hungry humans who would not stand for that. I had also picked up another book from the library to try but I just wasnt feeling it. I wanted to know what was going to happen in the next book. Then I had to get the third book and I was so excited to see there was a fourth book and then sad because its not even our until December. If you like mystery and need something light to read I think you may like this series. Its about a woman who is about to get married and finds out that her fiance is cheating. She is a lawyer and was working hard to become partner and after finding out about her fiance realizes that her dreams are not the same as they were. She inherits an old mansion, another interesting story, and decides to start a bed and breakfast with her sister, who is also quite the character.

So what am I to do until December when the next book comes out? I have tried to read 2 more books and just wasnt into it. I grabbed one over the weekend and finally at about page 80 I think I can get into this book. Its a series too and I will keep you posted.

I started thinking the other day after my blog entry about doing something you love and others that I have written about taking the next step in your life that sometimes we just arent ready for a book to end. I would consider from birth thru high school would be considered a book depending on the person a new book may start sooner or later. The time you start being more independent and really discovering who you are from exploring life for yourself and not through the eyes of someone else would be your next book. This is a tricky time as well since there is not certain age this happens. I got married at 19 I had no idea who I was at that time. I do not regret getting married so young for one second but I am happy that my children have waited longer that me. Some peoples lives will be just a few books others many. Just like all the books in the library the different kind of lives and people are what make this world the place it is.

There is actually a point to my crazy ramblings. I have realized that right now I am at the point where my old book should be ending and new book should be beginning but I just want to keep adding chapters to my old book. I am sure I have lost about half of you right now reading this and thats okay. Maybe I am a little afraid that the next book will not be as good as the last. Maybe I wont even like it. But thats the best part of being the author of your own life if you feel like your book is heading to Snoozeville you just yell "plot twist' and make it more exciting.

I know for a fact that many of you are in the same place as I am. You are holding on for dear life to your present situation terrified of the unknown of the future. I am here to tell you to write those final words "THE END" and start writing in that fresh new journal. Its gonna be fine. My first book started out "There once was a little girl named Christina". That book did not end how I had imagined when I started writing it. I found my prince charming but we did not ride away on a unicorn with a rainbow mane like  6 year old me had imagined. In fact we drove away in a 1983 Dodge Charger and our castle was a trailer park in Fort Benning Georgia and it couldnt have been  more perfect.

Dont regret your book. It may have not started or ended the way that you planned and thats okay. Not everyone is going to get it or even care to read it thats okay too, Remember I dont write this blog for anyone but me. I am happy when others find it inspiring. I love it when they find it helpful but at the end of the day its my story and I am going to own it. I make lots of mistakes and we wont even count the grammar and spelling errors. I dont english so good.

So to all of you who are ready close your book and start your new one lets do this together until tomorrow my friends.....



THE END

Do something you love

I purchased this little round thingy in the picture above about 7 years ago at Celestial Seasons tea in Colorado. I remember buying it to remind me that as I would be transitioning from the stay home PTA and volunteer for everything possible mom to the mom of adult children that I had to find a new love. I love being a mom. I love packing lunch boxes and baking cookies, setting in frigid weather to watch soccer games, sitting beside the marching band in the bleachers to hear my band kids, orchestra recitals back to school shopping and all the other fun stuff. It was my life but I knew it wasnt going to last forever.

 Lets get back to the now where I am the mom of an adult married daughter which also means we got a son in law who we think is pretty awesome as well. I am the mom of a senior in college and our baby boy will be a sophomore in college. Now I text people to see who will be home for dinner and do I need to cook for 2 or 4 people. I have to schedule time for all of us to be in the same place. I use to know the name of all my kids teachers now I dont even know the names of their classes. Probably because some of them have classes that start with the word quantum and I dont even know what that means!  I still love being a mom it just isnt what it use to be and I get to sleep whenever I want now. That part I really like.

I have always loved crafting and when the mom job became a little crazy and I wanted to run away screaming I would make something. When I took up knitting I was surprised how the repetition of making the stitches over and over was extremely calming and when you finished you would have a wash cloth or a scarf depending on how long it took you to calm down.

 I was once talking to a therapist that I had met somewhere and we were just talking and she said something that stuck with me. Your job doesnt have to be what you love. People choose a career when they are pretty young with no experience in the world and they enjoy it at first but then it looses its sparkle. Thats why its important to find something you do love that you can do. She said she knew people who love to travel and the money they make from the jobs that they do allows them to do what they love.

Right now I am in a place where I am making a little bit of money loving what I do. All those years of making things has started helping me with that. If you are not in the same place as me I would like to encourage you to think about some things that you love. Last week I was lucky enough to teach someone how to make apple cider vinegar, oregano and peppermint tinctures and soap. I had so much fun and I hope they did too.

The next time you are watching something on tv, reading a book or magazine, hear something on a radio or from a conversation that you are having with someone and they idea of wanting to do something pops in your head act on it. Unless is illegal. That might not be a good idea.  If you are eating out and you taste something you like and the thought " I could make this" do it! The more things you find that you love to do makes those things we have to do a lot less terrible. I dont love to clean up the kitchen but I love to cook. I cant cook if I dont have clean dishes so its a balance.