A little over a year ago my husband and I made the decision to leave the church we were attending to find another one. It was a hard decision especially since we really didnt know why we were leaving. We didnt have an issue with music, the preaching or no problems with other members. We were just not feeling it. We dreaded going. We didnt want to sleep in. We actually still get up at 6am on the weekend like we do through the week, We even tried to find another church and didnt hate any of the many that we visited. So whats wrong with us?
Absolutely nothing! I feel we have decided that since our issue was never really with our church it must be with the church as a whole, like whole wide world sort of thing. Do I still read my bible? Do I still pray? Do I feel that my leaving the church has made me any less closer to God. Yes, yes and no. When we finally decided that we were going to just stop looking for a church it took a huge burden off. Just writing this is taken even more of one off. I feel like I am not longer keeping a dirty little secret.
In the most simplest way possible to describe what a christian is I would say its believing Jesus and who the Bible says he is. Its trying to live my life like him and hoping others see His light in me. Its loving everybody and not just those most like me or in agreement with me. Thats what I am not seeing in other christians these days. Everyone has their opinions and arent afraid to just throw them out there without any regard as to who they hurt. You can disagree with me on this I just wont argue back.
I recently was at a public picnic. We were sitting at a line of picnic tables. Across from us was an older couple who did not speak english. Their daughter and grandchild did. There was a single mom and her son. There was a single dad and his daughter. There was a young couple with two children, there were homeless people and someone who came as we were about to leave who really stuck with me. They approached very slowly and unsure, they were wearing a dress which was a little odd for this outing. They were carrying a purse which seemed strange in a park and they had facial stubble like my hubby gets at the end of the day. They asked me if the table was taken and I said no and motioned for them to sit down. I smiled big and really wanted to talk to them. They never looked up from their plate. A few days later I was thinking about this situation again and it made me cry. I cried that I could feel how worried that person was to be accepted at the table. What if I had said no you cant sit here, I honestly think they would have walked away. Thats when it hit me. Thats what I am missing. I want to sit in a church with someone who can be wearing a dress even if they were obviously male and they not be turned away. Oh you can say "I would never turn someone away'. You probably never would actually say anything mean to them but our eyes and our actions speak volumes. Since the picnic was in my neighborhood I have been praying very hard to run into that person again. I have been praying for opportunities to chat it up with those who dont fit molds we like for them to. They dont have to worry about me inviting them to church because I dont have one.
I do not intend to never belong to a church again. I miss lots of things about church. I also know I can have fellowship without a church. For this time in my life right now this is right.
Lots of Love
Mrs Ladybug
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